


You just do

by ToyBoxOfSuz



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Living Together, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Partners to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 03:42:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToyBoxOfSuz/pseuds/ToyBoxOfSuz
Summary: “I was married for sixteen years,” RK corrected, looking down at his hands.--RK900 meets with Elijah Kamski about a maintenance request he had submitted to Cyberlife. Kamski just wants to know his reasons.





	You just do

**Author's Note:**

> Proofread by Evy.

RK900 sent in the request weeks ago. No one would get back to him with a proper solution. No one would dare, as he noticed… Was his request really such a big deal?

Then one day, he received an invitation from Elijah Kamski himself…

RK900 was walking slowly after Chloe, one of Kamski’s assistant androids. He kept them around and they wanted to stick around even with the blessings of Ra9. She hadn’t changed in these years. Just like RK. He looked the same like all those years ago when he first walked through the glass doors of the DPD precinct as the new android detective. Sharp. Tall. Free.

After the android revolution all androids received the gift to be free. Not just by Ra9, but by law too. RK also took it, but since he did not endure the foul treatment of humans yet he decided to go and do what his original purpose was: being a detective. And that’s when all his fucking problems started.

Chloe led him into a huge living room with red and white walls with dark furniture. It was too big, too artificial for him. For his _taste_. His apartment… their apartment looked different. _Felt_ different. With the warm lights, the stupid action movie posters, the huge windows… It was small, but cozy. With a small balcony that they could barely fit on. It was still a place that could make RK feel like home. It was his home, after all. All these years.

Chloe asked for his patience as she hurried away to fetch Kamski. RK just nodded at her, standing tall and holding his wrist behind his back. He was glad that for once he was at a place where he wasn’t constantly reminded of things he didn’t want to. In a few minutes Kamski walked into the room, supported by a cane and holding an expression that did not calm RK900 down at all.

Elijah Kamski has been one of the most important figures in the negotiations between humans and androids. He was hired back by Cyberlife as an adviser and even RK had to admit that his work was fruitful. He had insights no one else could have provided and with his help the future of a more harmonious world for both androids and humans didn’t appear that far away anymore.

RK900 remembered the first time he had to work with a human for a longer time. With Detective Gavin Reed even. Apparently the reason they put them together was that no one else would pair up with the human for too long; he was just unbearable in the long run, as RK was informed. But that was fine, he thought at the time, because he wasn’t here to make friends either. He was there to do his job; help the DPD and chase criminals. And he should have fucking stuck to that…

\--

“I’m not gonna take a fucking plastic asshole as a partner, Captain, that’s complete bullshit!”

“Shut the hell up, Reed. No one else is in need of a partner as much as you, and Connor is also free right now. You should have thought about this before I received all those reports from your fellow officers…”

“Tina would-”

“From Officer Chen, too. Jesus Gavin, just take the man and go I have much more important things to deal with right now!”

That’s how it started, right? Yes, something like that. It had been a few months since he joined the DPD when the Captain asked him and Reed to his office. RK could still pull up the recording of the detective’s angry face, the veins on his neck from shouting with his Captain, and the set of his jaw as he was looking at him.

Detective Reed tried everything to make RK’s life a living hell after that. Thankfully, RK had the skill set and enough freedom not to put up with the man’s ‘bullshit’ too long. He wasn’t there to be a plaything, or a target practice for an imbecile human after all; he was at the DPD, because he knew he’d make a great detective. It was a shame that he had to be paired up with someone like Detective Reed, but RK made it work. He wanted to make it work.

If he had to be honest, aside from Detective Reed’s hostile behavior toward his person, he was surprisingly effective in his work. He was sharp. He was quick. A bit trigger happy. But RK realized he was able to work with him in the field. Detective Reed was experienced, he had seen things, he had a mind that processed and analyzed, just like RK’s, though maybe not as detailed, but it sped things up. And when it came to a chase, Detective Reed didn’t have to be explained twice why RK would suggest a particular route. While with other officers RK had to be… slower. He hated that. Other detectives were too careful, too slow for his liking, but not Reed. He would act first and think during it. Which worked only because RK was his partner and had his back. And RK loved working like that.

Of course after the case ended, or when they caught a little downtime, the shouting and the shitshow started. Reed hated his guts. Hated him to the last byte of his code and he didn’t make a secret out of it. Something RK actually respected, even if he started to feel it to be pretty inconvenient after a while… And then one day, he fucking poured hot coffee down Detective Reed’s shirt.

\--

“RK900, Connor, am I correct?” Kamski asked, tilting up his chin as he was eying RK. The android picked up a few non-verbal cues himself these years, so he pursed his lips as he was eying his creator. Well, not his, of course, but the whole concept of him. Of his kind. He wondered why Kamski of all people would request his presence here. Though RK wasn’t stupid, he knew it had something to do with the request he put in for Cyberlife. It must have been that.

“Yes,” RK answered. Even if he had been using a different name the last few years.

Kamski just eyed him as if he knew that he wanted to correct him. Then he motioned toward the black leather couch on their left.

“I’m not gonna waste your time, Connor, I promise. But Cyberlife raised their concerns over your request,” he said as he started walking toward the couch. “And to be honest, I was fascinated too.” Kamski said as he sat down. Chloe was already there with him, placing a glass of water on the coffee table.

“You were fascinated by my request?” RK asked, raising an eyebrow. Even he had to admit that it was pretty unusual, but he wouldn’t have called it fascinating.

“Before you’d get all defensive, I advised Cyberlife to accept your request. But this is a unique case and I’d like to know more about it. For future reference.” Kamski said and moved his head a bit to the side. Prompting RK to sit. He wanted to talk to him. And RK hated that. He was sure in his decision and he didn’t want to fucking explain why and how. He just wanted it to be done. Though, he was prepared for this. Because he was prepared for everything except that one tiny thing.

\--

“Why do you hate androids so much, Detective Reed?” RK asked as they were sitting in the nurse’s office of the DPD. Detective Reed had a bleeding nose and a forming black eye, along with a painful shoulder that had to be put back in place. RK was also harbouring a few dents on his face and tears on his jacket. Blue blood was dripping from his nose. They were still waiting for the mechanic who would help him stop that. He was slightly impressed Detective Reed could bring in a few hits, but truly this fight was RK’s victory.

The detective groaned long and suffering, holding an icepack to his nose. Then he closed his eyes and turned to RK.

“Because fuck you, that’s why!”

He was elusive as always. But RK wasn’t having it anymore.

“If you won’t provide me with an answer I’ll pour all your morning coffee on you, Detective Reed.”

“Then I’m gonna bash your face in!”

“And I’ll hit back and we can go down the same path as we just did.”

“Every fucking day?!”

“Every. Fucking. Day. Detective.” RK turned toward him, eying him. He learned that humans communicate a lot with their eyes, and they get cues from glances too. So he was trying that. Maybe some non-verbal communication would help to get his point through Detective Reed’s thick skull.

“You’re a fucking animal, jesus.” Apparently Detective Reed believed his threat. Which was good, because RK would have went through with it anyway, but it would have been such a hassle.

Gavin sighed, his shoulders slumped. And that’s when RK realized that he had won. For real.

“It’s just, fuck,” Detective Reed held the icepack away from his face, examining it. RK knew he did that just so he could do something with his nervous energies. He was nervous. “I don’t want to be fucking replaced by a machine. Androids don’t get tired, they don’t bleed, they’re… fucking perfect. We humans, we aren’t. We’re fucked up.”

The detective’s heartbeat was elevating as he was speaking. And RK could gain precious information from his words, from his reactions. Reed was insecure, even if RK found little reason for it. But humans were, as he learned in the past few months, more complex than he first thought. What was that saying with the tip of the iceberg? Something like that. Apparently, Detective Reed was an iceberg too.

“But even if we’re fucked up, I’m not gonna give a fucking reason for a machine to replace me,” Reed hissed at him then. And that was the first time RK felt that infamous instability he had been hearing about from Connor.

“Then prove it, Detective.” he challenged with a smirk.

He noted the skip in the human’s heartbeat. But RK didn’t pay too much attention to it just then. Not just yet.

\--

“What would you like to know?” RK asked as he sat down on the couch next to Kamski too. He didn’t need to sit down, but he needed to show that he was here as an equal and that his request was something that he was thinking about in his clear mind. Not a sudden decision. Not something some hot-headed rookie would make. Not a reaction the first deviants would have made… He was thinking a lot about it.

“The why, obviously,” Kamski said, leaning back in his seat and crossing one of his legs over the other.

“It’s complex.”

“You mean, it’s private.” Kamski corrected him and RK once again realized he may have been underestimating the curiosity of this man.

“I have my reasons,” RK nodded. If he had to pass a goddamn test to get what he wanted, then let it be. It wasn’t like any of that mattered anymore. “Ask me anything you want.”

\--

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!”

It was strange to come back online to those words. RK quickly ran a scan of his systems and system damages. Everything seemed to be working, though he also realized he was currently under maintenance. In one of Cyberlife’s stores, back at the maintenance area.

If that was the case, how come Detective Reed was here?

“Detective? You are not authorized to be here,” RK said, turning his eyes to look at the detective. Spotting bright red blood smeared on his forehead, along with a few blue dots that were already dried and invisible to a human eye. RK ran a recollection of what happened.

Oh yes, their perp wasn’t having any of their ‘bullshit’ and tried to bolt. He had a weapon. A warning signal was still popping up in RK’s vision at the sight of blood on Detective Reed’s face.

“My partner program includes providing protection to humans,” RK answered.

“Your program is fucking bullshit, jesus, you could have died, asshole!”

RK ran the possibility of that. Again. Yes, he could have been badly damaged. To the point of not coming back online anymore. But he found all that didn’t matter when it came to Detective Reed’s safety. Curious.

“But you could have died too, if I wasn’t fast enough,” RK spoke then. He noted the skip in the detective’s heartbeat. So he quickly ran a scan if he was fine. He seemed to be, aside from a few bruises. RK smiled at the results, and at the detective too.

As far as RK remembers, that was the first time he ditched the data of his programs and went with something else. From then on, these things started to be more common when it came to Detective Reed.

\--

“When the revolution came, the deviants’ most important statement was that they are alive, Connor.” Kamski spoke in a low, hoarse voice. He may have been healthy and doing everything he could to be the immortal god he thought himself to be, but he was still human. And every human was dying…

RK stopped his train of thoughts to focus on what Kamski was trying to say.

“I’m aware,” he nodded. “But being alive is also something very complex. It includes the quality of life, the way one would survive, the things one would create of that life, or the way they would end it.”

“My, you’ve learned a lot haven’t you?” Kamski smirked at him. RK just nodded.

“I had good people to learn from,” he said.

\--

It has been a year after the revolution. More than half a year working with Detective Reed.

RK was also invited to the New Year’s Eve party Officer Chen was throwing for the team who could be there. Which was apparently a lot of people. Even Lieutenant Anderson could be dragged out to celebrate the last hours of the year with them. RK was there with Connor too, even if they couldn’t drink. But it was a good gesture, it meant that the humans at the DPD were accepting them as one of their own. RK had to admit this was a nice thing. It made him happy.

Detective Reed was there too. RK wasn’t sure why he was still monitoring where he would go, or how high his alcohol levels went, since they weren’t on duty. Humans could do whatever they wanted off duty. Androids too. And if RK wanted to keep an eye on the detective, then let it be. No one would know anyway.

“God, he’s talking about that stupid game again.” The person who was speaking was Lieutenant Anderson. He was holding a beer as he walked closer to RK. The android sent him a polite smile, noting that the man wasn’t looking toward him, but to a small group of people with Detective Reed in the middle. Talking about… yes, a game.

“He seem to have a fond attachment to it, indeed.” RK remarked politely. He had heard about the frustrations of that game too, numerous times. Sometimes the detective would arrive to work with only a few hours of sleep on him, because he was playing all night. RK liked when he was talking about it. About a stupid, silly game that mattered nothing. The only thing that game did which counted was make Detective Reed happy and excited.

“I don’t think it’s the only thing he has a fond attachment to.” The Lieutenant spoke before he sent a gulp of beer down his throat. RK looked at him, his LED yellow as he was processing the slightly abstract statement.

“I’m sure,” he settled then.

“Either way, thanks for making him less of an asshole. The DPD’s very thankful. He’s still not fun to be around, but more tolerable.” Anderson chuckled. RK did a scan, just to find high enough alcohol levels for the man to speak nonsense. Even if he had to admit that Detective Reed’s behavior patterns had changed slightly too. Maybe less hostile, though the same amount of yelling and cursing was involved.

“With enough amount of discipline, everyone can be changed.” RK said with a nod, turning back to see the detective had found new victims to tell about his game.

When midnight was only a few minutes away, people seemingly became more excited. Connor went to wake the Lieutenant up. Officer Chen had an arm around Officer Miller’s shoulders, while she was holding a champagne bottle up, yelling about something. There were a lot of things to take in for RK. Detective Reed was standing around too, holding a bottle of beer, watching Officer Chen with a stupid, drunk grin on his face.

And then midnight was there, and suddenly all lights went out. Fireworks could be heard from the outside; their lights like lightning sometimes illuminated the small apartment through the windows. But RK wasn’t really paying all that much attention to that. Because the moment the lights went off, he saw Detective Reed… Gavin step closer, grab the back of his neck and press their lips together. It was clumsy, and the detective was really drunk, but it was a kiss.

As the lights came back again, Gavin pulled away, already gulping some of his beer down as if nothing had happened. RK’s LED was flashing red for a few seconds as he was watching the detective move away. He wanted to go after him, but he didn’t. He felt like… he couldn’t.

\--

“Yet, you still haven’t learned enough,” Kamski spoke, bringing RK back to the present.

“Just because I have different opinions about things, that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned. My experiences shape my opinions, and by those I’ll go on about my future.” the android spoke calmly. “We aren’t the same, Mr. Kamski.”

“That I admit,” the man nodded. “I wasn’t judging you, Connor. I’m just curious. What kind of experiences have you had with death?”

\--

RK was aware that his LED was flashing red ever since that sound. It was a gunshot sound. He could calculate the trajectory of it, what kind of damage it would do, everything. He knew what would happen seconds before it happened. Seconds before he saw the bullet hit Gavin, before all that blood was pooling under him as he fell on his knees…

“Go the fuck after him!” Gavin yelled at him, but RK refused. The suspect had a head start. Instead he called in, giving the description of their drug dealer and their possible hideouts, then went to Gavin.

RK drove him to the hospital where he was immediately taken in. By that time Gavin’s body was cold and he was struggling to keep awake. He was in danger. He was dying… His chances of survival were dropping rapidly and for some reason that confused RK. Not that why the chances were low. But why it would bother him that much.

One would almost say that RK was scared… As he was waiting in the hospital for Gavin’s surgery to be done, he indeed realized that he was scared.

By that time it has been a few weeks since the kiss on New Years. Neither of them were talking about it. Gavin never mentioned it, and RK figured he won’t want to talk about it. It was easier like that. Gavin was still like gunpowder, anything could set him off. And RK wanted to keep being his partner, wanted to stay near him, monitor him, analyze him and listen to his rants about cars, action movies and silly video games. So it was fine.

But thinking about Gavin bleeding, at the edge of death, RK realized what kind of coward he was. Maybe Gavin will never walk out of that surgery room and he would never know that…

RK’s LED was flashing red all night. Even while he was sitting by Gavin’s bed. Even when he had to be back at the station. For days, it was red. Connor suggested him to request it being checked out by maintenance. Anderson told him to visit Reed instead.

He took Anderson’s advice in the end. Visiting Detective Gavin Reed a few days after he was back from the hospital. Officer Chen suggested to bring him something to eat, or sweets. So RK got pasta from that small Italian place Gavin liked, and bought some donuts too. Just in case. He arrived late afternoon with the already cold food in his hands.

When Gavin opened the door, RK thought he will drop dead then and there. He was thin, he was pale, he looked like a ghost of himself. And he did look at RK as if he’d seen a ghost. He let him in though, reluctantly accepting the food, just to ditch them on the kitchen counter on his way toward the living room.

Gavin was sad, RK realized. His vitals were still weak, but he was slowly doing well physically. Aside from the healing gunshot wound and the slight dehydration. RK asked him why he won’t eat and Gavin said he wasn’t hungry. But he was, RK could tell.

His LED started to flash faster. When RK was thinking back about it, he realized that it was the very first time he truly was angry with Gavin. And he yelled. He yelled at Gavin for being stupid, and careless enough to be shot. And that he even told RK to chase the suspect, even if he must have known that he was bleeding to fucking death and if RK leaves him then and there he would be dead!

And Gavin dared to fucking retort to him, as if RK cared at all. And RK was having none of that.

RK told Gavin that he cared. He cared too fucking much. He cared too much for a while, which wasn’t professional at all. It was a human thing. Something he shouldn’t do, but he still did. Caring about Detective Gavin Fucking Reed; caring if he slept enough, if he ate enough, if he wasn’t being too invested in the case again, if he was taking those meds he told no one about, but RK still knew. RK cared when Gavin was smoking more than he usually would. He cared when he saw his stress levels being higher than usual. He so fucking cared and he shouldn’t have to. And he told all this to Gavin Reed, because he almost died without knowing all of it. And RK wanted to tell him. Because he knew Gavin was being a stupid idiot.

Gavin had no words for that. Of course he didn’t. Because he had words for useless things, for things that didn’t matter. But when it came to things that were important, Gavin Reed rather pulled a gun, or kissed in the dark and pretended it never happened. So this time RK helped him out, and pulled him into a kiss again.

And when Gavin kissed him back, sliding his arms around his shoulders, RK thought that all his troubles ended there. That he made it. And that this was that happily ever after those cheesy fairy tales were talking about.

\--

“Why would my experiences of death matter? I believe my request is connected more to life than death,” RK spoke with an even voice.

Kamski just sighed, eying him. It was a dead end, they both knew it. But in the end the genius looked at the glass of water on the coffee table, reaching for it.

“Let’s talk about life then,” he said calmly. RK watched as his trembling hands were lifting the glass to his lips. He was old, dying. But still alive. Still here. Still an advocate for androids. And yet, he was giving a hard time to RK. “I looked at your public records before our meeting. I saw that you’re one of those androids who got married.”

RK’s LED circled red for just a second before he nodded.

\--

Being together with Gavin made RK realize that he likes cuddling. He liked the weight of the man on him, liked the way his voice resonated through his chest while he was talking. RK liked to slide his long fingers into the dark locks of the other, playing with them and letting Gavin fall asleep on him. He liked it.

And Gavin liked when RK touched him. In exchange, he touched him a lot too. Bumping shoulders, running fingers down his back, grabbing his arm, pretending he was just taking care of some smudge on the android’s pristine face… Rk noticed he slowly started doing this when others were around too. Ever so slowly, Gavin Reed was opening up about them being together.

Gavin also liked when RK couldn’t stop touching him, when the clothes on his body became a burden, when the amount of skin he could reach was not enough anymore. Gavin liked to press against him, feeling him with more than hands and fingers, but with all he had… It was just a matter of time before RK got himself a component to match Gavin’s needs. And oh, was it a match made in heaven? It was.

RK loved to watch Gavin’s lips part in the heat of passion; usually already swollen from all the kissing. His skin was flushing pink, arching into his lover’s touches and mouth. He was always so thirsty and so grateful. So loud. While he was a bitch to talk to about anything, Gavin was very vocal in bed and RK loved it. He liked being told what’s good and what’s better, what he should do and how. And when he did everything right, oh, now that was when Gavin finally shut the fuck up. So RK made it into a sport to shut him up as much as he could.

And when Gavin gave it all back it was something special. RK had never thought he was going to experience something similar to a human orgasm, but with his component intact, he could translate the touches so his system could decode them and provide him with something similar. Something just as satisfying. Something so good it left him aching when Gavin was too spent due to his human body… But the wait was always worth it.

RK started spending more and more nights at Gavin’s place. It was a tiny apartment, ideal for one person and for the occasional visit of their android boyfriend. Until Gavin said one day ‘it’s not the place I wanna build a fucking life with you at’. That was his proposal, basically. There was no ring, no ‘I love you’s or anything as such, Gavin just said that and RK knew what that meant.

They started looking for places they could move in together, and it was a mess. While androids had rights, many humans were still remembering the times before the revolution, the fear and the uncertainty of it all. The violence… And humans still owned most of the properties and many of them bailed once they were informed that a human-android couple would want to buy their place. Whenever it came up as an issue, Gavin was the loudest to tell them to fuck themselves. One time he even hit a guy over this.

In the end, they could buy an old couple’s little apartment by the city’s border. It was bigger than Gavin’s apartment, but not huge. It was… enough. Cozy. For them, for their pets and for the life they would build together.

Of course, living together with Gavin Reed was hard. Almost infuriating. Gavin was a tidy person, except at places that weren’t visible. Their closet was a mess and every time RK pointed it out Gavin said he had no idea why it was a big deal. The fights they had were all about that. Small things. Fights to adjust to each other, to find a middle ground, to go on. And it was right. It was good. They were fighting for each other, as they always did.

Sometimes Gavin would get sad, and all passion and life was seemingly leaving him. In these times, RK also learned not to wade in alone. Lieutenant Anderson… Hank was a good option to go to in those hard times. He sometimes could talk to Gavin in ways RK couldn’t. Could be the experience, could be that they were both human, but RK learned to reach out for help. To Hank. To Connor. To others.

It started to work. It was… a life. They were building it.

And one lazy Sunday morning in 2042 Gavin was unusually quiet. He had been for a few days. Quiet. Not sad. Stressed. RK knew when not to pry, he learned Gavin’s silences. He knew that the man was preparing for something. And that day, he blurted it out. Or more like, presented it. In a tiny, blue box.

RK still loved that memory; as they were sitting in bed, the light of the morning coming in through their bedroom window; and him holding the box. Opening it, he found a pair of rings, made of white gold and with a blue LED light running down the middle of them. They were so simple, and so them. They were beautiful. That day RK said yes and didn’t let Gavin leave the bed.

They didn’t make it a big deal, even if Gavin’s family was really trying to blow it up. Gavin didn’t let them; they held the ceremony in a city park at early autumn, holding a dinner for close friends and family after it. Gavin drank too much and laughed too loud that day. In the end RK indeed had to carry him through the door. Their first day of marriage was Gavin camping in the bathroom swearing he’s not going to drink again and RK supplying him with water and soup. It was the best.

\--

“I was married for sixteen years,” RK corrected, looking down at his hands. A weird thing he picked up from humans; looking at things when he knew they are not there. Just like his ring right now. He couldn’t bear to look at it anymore.

“To Mr. Gavin Reed,” Kamski said with a nod.

“To Captain Gavin Reed,” RK couldn’t help correcting him, hearing the man’s ‘Oh, right’ in return. He was aware that his LED was flashing red at this point. Their conversation was getting personal and RK knew that was Kamski’s goal. “I presume you’ve also seen his records.”

“I did,” the man said quietly. “What a tragedy. He was what, fifty…?”

“Fiftyfive,” RK said. “Fiftysix in a few weeks.”

He was so fucking young, he couldn’t help wonder.

\--

It wasn’t fair. It so wasn’t fair. It shouldn’t have been like that… RK knew that Gavin’s body was always under a lot of stress; from work and from his own mind too. He was smoking a lot and wasn’t the most healthy person at all, but he was doing fine. He managed. He upped his vegetable intake during the years of their marriage, he was exercising, he took his meds like a good boy. He was doing fine. He also powered through sicknesses like a champ… Except the last one.

It started as pneumonia, which actually wasn’t new for either Gavin or RK. The man got those every two years and never bat an eye at it. This time too, they already knew the script; how it will go, how long it’ll take, when Gavin will be the worst and what were the signs of him getting better. The thing was, he got better. Only, not really. The coughing never stopped. And slowly, ever so slowly he started to fall out of shape, out of breath. Losing weight.

Gavin didn’t want to go back to the hospital and RK knew it was because he was afraid. They were fighting a lot about it. A lot. But only because they were both too afraid.

When Gavin finally gave in, RK thought it will be fine. Humanity has created androids, it surely can deal with something malicious in human lungs. Only he didn’t count the human body being a fucking bitch.

RK didn’t like remembering the check-ups, the hope they felt whenever there was new medication and the despair when it failed. It just gave them time. And as time went by, three years, Gavin had gotten more tired and sad, and angry. There were days he wouldn’t want anyone around him and RK respected that, he gave him his space, his darkness to wail in. These times he visited Connor, Markus, or others and they were all always there. Welcoming him. They were also always there, helping Gavin even if the man said he didn’t want them to see him like this. Like a corpse.

Slowly, Gavin was losing more breath and more weight, his face looked nothing like it used to. His skin lost its glow, its color. But the worst thing was his eyes. Every morning RK saw those eyes lose light just a little bit more each day. It only got worse when he permanently stayed in the hospital.

“‘M not going home from here you know,” Gavin muttered, leaning heavily on the windowsill with his elbows. He was smoking, even if it was forbidden to him, and he was struggling with that one cig for a while now. But he was always a stubborn asshole. RK’s face didn’t show anything, but his LED was flashing red. It had been for weeks now. He didn’t like hospitals.

Gavin’s tone was light, his voice rough and weak and RK couldn’t bear it. He remembered sliding his arms around Gavin’s neck and cradling his head to his chest, burying his nose into his hair. As if he could protect him from those scars inside, as if he could make him breathe easier. RK knew too that Gavin won’t come home anymore. He knew it the moment they walked into the hospital.

The worst thing was seeing Gavin so afraid. Afraid of death…

“It’s not fuckin’ death I’m afraid of,” Gavin said suddenly one night when RK was reading something for him. The android didn’t look up, but he stopped reading. “I was ready to die when I joined the DPD, you know,” the man snorted, coughing a little. “I’m afraid I’ll be alone.”

RK felt his thirium pump work harder at that. If he could, he’d follow Gavin into death so he won’t be alone. But what a silly, stupid promise would that be. Death was… it was nothing. It was just the end of things.

“Cuz you can’t come with me,” Gavin said, looking at him then from his bed. He could barely walk anymore without getting out of breath. “And you won’t come with me.”

RK looked up, confused. He sometimes had problems with the abstract way humans expressed themselves. He had learned to understand Gavin over the years, but not always.

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” he asked, frowning and closing the book. He walked to Gavin’s bed to sit on the side of it, watching the man in the dim lights of the machines he was connected to.

“I mean… that this is it for me, I’m fuckin’ done, tinhead,” Gavin muttered, reaching for RK’s hand. The android took it without hesitation, feeling his thirium pump once again. Something that only happened to him with Gavin. “My mom believed in Heaven and Hell and shit, and right now I’d like to too, but… I don’t know where androids go after they die, so, I’d rather, I…” Gavin was getting confused. He sometimes had that. Mostly because of lack of oxygen. At those times RK patiently waited for him to finish. To find his way. “What I wanna say is, fuck that Heaven-Hell bullshit… Wherever I’ll be I’m gonna wait for you.”

“Gavin--”

“But you won’t fucking hurry there, would you?” Gavin hisses, squeezing RK’s hand. “You’re gonna take your goddamn time, you’re gonna take your hundred fucking years and go the fuck on.”

Gavin was saying goodbye and RK knew his LED was red. He didn’t want this, he realized. He didn’t want Gavin dead, he didn’t want to lose him, and for the love of Ra9 he didn’t want to go on without him. RK always showed a brave face, a strong face, a face of someone who was at peace with what was happening. But inside all he could think about was that this wasn’t fair… And when Gavin told him to go on, he didn’t _feel_ the strength in himself for it.

RK never cried before, not like this. Loud and messy, his face pressed into Gavin’s chest, feeling his weak hands brushing his hair as he was sobbing. It wasn’t fair, he yelled, he begged, but he didn’t know what for anymore.

In a few days Gavin Reed was no longer breathing.

\--

“Is this why you submitted the request, RK900?” Kamski asked, in a quiet voice. “Because of Captain Reed’s death?”

RK’s LED flashed yellow for a moment. It was an obvious answer, an answer he didn’t want to say out loud for some reason. It sounded like betrayal and Kamski acted as if he knew that.

“I… can’t go on like this,” RK said at last, with a LED that turned back to red.

\--

RK was terribly thankful for Connor about handling the funeral, because for some reason he couldn’t. He just. Couldn’t. He had the list of objectives in his head, but he could do none of them. It was like a system malfunction, where he would give an order to his system, but received no answer. Nothing. He got only seemingly random things in exchange. Once he washed a glass five times in the sink without knowing why. Or the other time when he went to tidy up the closet and realized Gavin of course hadn’t messed it up since last time. Connor was a great help and RK will forever be thankful to him… And he may have said that to him too many times.

The funeral was short, with only their closest friends there. People were crying. And saying ‘my condolences’ and shit. Gavin would have hated it, RK couldn’t help to think. He hated it too. He hated to see that coffin being buried, disappearing under all that dirt, taking Gavin away from him. He stayed long after everyone had left, refusing Connor’s help when he wanted to escort him back home. What was the point? There was no point going back, Gavin wasn’t there anymore. RK stayed the night, just watching the grave and replaying all his memories of Gavin from the past fifteen years.

Replaying their old fight when they just started out as partners, how many times RK had to just rough him up to listen to him. Their all-nighters in the evidence room, trying to find a lead. Their first days together, their love-making, their moving to a new apartment. Their trips to the countryside with an old car that still had to be driven by a human. Sleeping at campsites and all. All those memories of Gavin being alive and building a life with him. Now all just a memory. Some bytes in the cloud…

RK knew he can’t break his promise to Gavin, but he felt like he couldn’t go on like this. Not anymore. He went home to his empty apartment and just sat in the living room without any objective or goal. Until something finally popped up. This time RK didn’t hesitate but made the call to Cyberlife.

“Welcome to Cyberlife maintenance service line, how can I help you?”

“This is android Connor “RK” Reed, RK900 #313 248 317 - 87. I would like to submit a maintenance request.”

“I don’t detect any malfunctions in your system RK900, please elaborate your request.”

“I would like to return from a deviated state to factory release.”

“Please hold.”

And RK did. And they told him he should personally go to his nearest Cyberlife store with this request. At the store they said they didn’t have the necessary tools and sent him home. A week later Kamski requested him for a meeting…

\--

Kamski was eying RK with the coldest gaze he had ever seen. If RK wouldn’t know better he thought he was almost blaming him for something. And RK didn’t fucking care.

“I can’t go on like this,” he repeated when the man didn’t speak.

“Fascinating,” Kamski said at last, looking away for a moment. “Help me clear this up, would you? You wouldn’t want to kill yourself, you just… want to stop being a deviant?”

“That. I’d also like my memories wiped.”

“Why, exactly?”

“I promised him I’ll go on,” RK said, closing his eyes for a moment as the memory popped up without his authorization. “But I can’t. Not in my current state. I’m useless.”

“It’s called grief, RK900.”

“I don’t give a fuck what it’s called.” Though RK knew one thing, that he was losing patience. Kamski tilted his chin up as if he was accepting a challenge. “You called me here to poke at me. Now you know my reasons. I don’t want to explain myself further, Mr. Kamski. You either fulfill my request, or I’ll find a way to do it on my own.”

“You’re aware that you’re terribly lucky, right?”

The question made RK’s LED once again red. Lucky? Him? Is this guy fucking serious?!

“Are you laughing at me, Mr. Kamski?” he asked. The man just smiled humorless, looking away.

“I mean it in a way that… we humans have no means, no ways forgetting what has happened to us. We have to take it, make it ours and deal with it. Some do, some don’t, but either way, it’s with us.” He spoke softly, quietly and almost cold. “But with you… just a little tinkering and you’re good as new. Brand new. Shiny. Out of the box. Clueless and free to try it all again. It’s something most humans would kill for: to forget at a press of a button.”

“Flattery neither jealousy will change my mind,” RK said, mirroring the cold tone he just received. Kamski pursed his lips, probably in an attempt not to say the thing that was on his mind.

“It was just a thought,” Kamski said at last. “Fine. I know your reasons and I know you’re consenting. Since this is a first time case we’ll need to prepare some paperwork and legal guidelines for this. Congratulations RK900, you’re gonna set a precedent with this request of yours.”

RK didn’t fucking care. He stopped caring the moment they declared his husband dead. He won’t do this again, or anymore. Kamski assured him that he will contact him with the details in a few days, which meant a few more days in hell were waiting for him and he wasn’t ready for that.

Of course he could put himself in a stasis, but then he won’t be available when Kamski finally calls. Though that wasn’t the only reason…

Once again RK arrived back to their… to his apartment. And as usual, it was empty. It has been empty for a while. Dark. Cold. He didn’t need the light or the warmth either, those were both for Gavin. And once again a goddamned memory file played in his head about Gavin complaining about his cold feet in the mornings. That was the time their heating broke for a few days.

RK didn’t want this; he didn’t want to look at old memories of Gavin and yet he couldn’t fucking _stop_. He just stood there in the darkness of his living room, watching memories of Gavin doing stupid shit like playing a game, or talking to someone on the phone, driving… being alive. This is what RK didn’t want, just standing about looking at something that doesn’t exist anymore… He didn’t want this. He spent the whole night just replaying hours of memories over and over again. He hated it; his days, ever since the funeral, were spent in a haze of old memory files playing on loop, rendering him unable to stick with anything else.

“RK?” It was Connor’s voice that snapped him out of his current memory loop. RK looked at the android bewildered for a moment. He didn’t even notice when he came in. Connor had a key to their apartment for a while now, but he always called in when he came by. RK ran the logs if he saw any text from Connor. “I just came to fetch you,” Connor said a little sheepish.

“Are we going somewhere?” RK asked, once again checking the calendar if there was any appointment for today. Nothing came up.

“Yes,” Connor said and reached for his arm to lead him out of the apartment. For some reason RK let him. Connor led him outside, to Hank’s car, still a manual one. And RK forced the memory file from playing once again about their roadtrips with Gavin. “Since… since you made your decision I figured we should spend some time together.”

“We’re still going to be together, I’ll be here,” RK told him as he watched Connor open the door for him. So this was his life, couldn’t even open a car door anymore…

“You won’t,” Connor stated as he sat behind the wheel too. How come he was an older model, but sometimes he was more efficient than RK, the android wondered. Here he was, being an utter disaster and then there was Connor who… wasn’t. “Not in the same way.”

RK didn’t answer, because why argue? Connor was right. As he was driving, RK realized he had no idea where they were going. But doing a quick pre-construction he calculated that Connor is taking him back to his and Hank’s place.

“How’s Hank?” RK asked.

“Not well,” Connor admitted. “He’s taking it hard too,” he added quietly. “Gavin was like a son to him, you know. He’s going to miss you too, when you go.”

“Are you doing this to make me feel bad about my decision?” RK asked, feeling anger rising in him again. Connor looked at him for a second.

“Yes, because you’re making a mistake. This isn’t what Gavin wanted from you,” he spoke, in the voice he used to make the suspects feel guilty in the interrogation room. And RK hated it.

“He’s dead he doesn’t want anything anymore,” he hissed, looking out the window. Why did it hurt to say that? And why is he seeing a fucking memory again?! About some random fucking fight they had with Gavin about some… furniture. RK imitated a sigh, closing his eyes, yet another thing he picked up from living with Gavin. A sign of distress. “But I do and I want this.”

Connor’s LED only flickered yellow, he said nothing.

They arrived back at Hank’s house, and RK noticed the few cars parked about. He sent a look at Connor, but the android just smiled at him and lead him to the house. Entering, RK was welcomed by a small group of people and Hank and Connor’s current dog.

Apparently, they were all there to celebrate. RK didn’t understand, because Hank’s birthday was a while ago. But Connor told him it’s Gavin’s birthday party. They were doing it a bit early so they could also say goodbye to RK. They all knew about his decision and decided to say goodbye in a morbid party. RK would almost call it tasteless, because a birthday party for a dead person? Humans were so… Though he couldn’t find the correct word there.

RK thought that they will try to make him change his mind, but… no one tried that. Chris and his now college kids were talking about that time Gavin and RK saved their Christmas by going out and finding the perfect tree. Oh yes, RK almost forgot that… Ben was actually telling stories from the time Gavin had just became a detective and how he thought life was a fucking action movie… Tina tried to remember all the pranks she did on Gavin and hated how after he got together with RK they were a pain in the ass to pull off.

Everyone shared their memories of Gavin. Memories that RK thought were useless before. But somehow, the way those people were telling them, as if Gavin was just right beside them and wanting to hit them for making him appear so lame. It was a strange _feeling_ and RK wasn’t sure what it meant.

Hank was the only one who didn’t talk to him. He was just standing around, always having a beer in his hand. RK scanned his blood alcohol levels from time to time, knowing damn well that Connor was doing the same. The Lieutenant wasn’t with the DPD for a few years now; though he stayed as an advisor. Connor said that only death will take him away from his job, after all. And RK realized what Connor meant by Hank not handling it well either… he looked like a ghost of himself. But RK knew that this may be the last time he would talk to him. So he gathered his courage and stepped to him to greet him. But when he opened his mouth no sound came out. He didn’t know what to say.

Hank sighed, tilting his head back up. He was so old, RK wondered. And tired. But he was still here.

“Are you okay, RK?” he asked quietly. RK once again found himself unable to reply. “Fuckin’ thought so,” Hank snorted, taking a sip from his beer and looking around at the people in his living room. Miller and his kids, Chen and her siblings and cousins, Connor and a few from the New Jericho crew. All here not for Gavin, but for RK. To say goodbye.

RK knew that. He knew that these people are here for him. This was his funeral. And that made it scary, suddenly.

“You’re one selfish bastard, aren’t you,” Hank said then with a sigh, crossing his arms. RK wanted to retort with anger, but once again he just. Fucking. Couldn’t. “Gonna leave us to wail in this pit of shit all by ourselves.”

Hank was drunk and he wanted to provoke him, RK knew. He wanted to get angry. He so wanted to get angry. To yell. To go away. To demand Kamski to fucking get the paperwork together.

“How else can I live like this?” RK asked, his visuals being messed up from sudden thirium pooling in his eyes. Hank sighed then, just looking at him with all that pity… no, wait that wasn’t pity. That was something else.

“You just do, son,” he said; his voice low and soft and quiet. “You just fuckin’ do.”

RK couldn’t bear it anymore. His systems were overloading and he thought the only way to stop it all, the overheating, the automatic memory replays was to cry. He buried his face into his hands and sobbed. A gesture he also picked up from Gavin. From when he was too sad, and too afraid to be seen crying…

And then RK realized; Gavin was still here, in his movements, in his non-verbal expressions; not just in his memory files, but in his damn _movements_. Even in the way he was crying from pain. From grief. Gavin was there. As if holding his hand just like all those times RK held his.

Hank never told him not to do it. He didn’t speak to him more than those words that day. RK couldn’t speak to anyone after he had his breakdown. He barely realized when people left, or when Connor made him sit on the couch. He spent the next few days with Hank and Connor and Bitsy the puppy, replaying old memories over and over again.

And when Kamski called he said he was grateful for the opportunity, but he will put his request on hold for now.


End file.
